Eventually

Not much has happened since my last post other than rest and recovery.  I am blessed to have my mom, husband, as well as Joshua and Angela continuously by side to help with whatever I need.  They have been awesome and I couldn't do this without them.

For the most part, there isn't much pain.  I am just really sore (especially the area under my arm) and continue working on improving my range of motion.  To be honest, the worst part thus far is that I had an allergic reaction to the tegaderm adhesive securing my drainage tubes.  The adhesive was causing severe irritation and some minor burns to my skin.  It felt fantastic when the nurse removed this large patch of adhesive yesterday!

The drains themselves are inconvenient but are part of the process.  Oh how wonderful it will be when they can be removed.  It doesn't sound like they would both come out next week at surgery but maybe at least one will.  I can honestly say I will not miss them when they are gone!  (FYI...the surgery is scheduled for Wednesday, September 3 at 8:30, again at Saint Thomas Midtown.)

I really was down the other day when I learned there would be another surgery.  Thankfully there was so much support from many of you via text, on this blog or on facebook.  These messages offered needed encouragement so there there wasn't much time or reason to be gloomy.  As Eeyore said,

"The nicest thing about the rain is that it always stops.  EVENTUALLY."  

Thanks for reminding me that the sun would be out again soon!

Tut, Tut, looks like RAIN

TUT, TUT, LOOKS LIKE RAIN!  

Earlier today we received the final pathology results from my surgeon, Dr. Dunbar.  She informed me that 5 of nodes removed from under my right arm had signs of cancer and that the tumor removed was 2.5 cm, not 4 cm as they originally thought which was good news.  However, there was some unfortunate news as well...all of the margins around the removed tumor were not free from cancer.  Therefore, I will need to have another surgery next week to remove some additional tissue.  This outpatient surgery will not be as involved as the first and should only slightly delay the beginning of my treatment.  I might even be able to have the existing drains removed at the time of this surgery.  Fingers crossed for that!

This was by no means the news I wanted to hear, but I was totally aware it was a possibility.  Today in my Hundred Acre Wood it does look and feel like rain, so I have grabbed my umbrella to take shelter and regroup for just a short time.  However, I know that tomorrow is a new day and another opportunity for me to accept my illness and all it brings.  I plan to be ready for the challenge!

I hope each of you will rally around us once again as we prepare for this additional surgery as it's another important step to ensure I will ultimately be cancer free.  More details will follow once available.

My Heart is Full

"Sometimes the smallest things take up the most room in the heart."   --Winnie the Pooh

As Christopher and I went to bed on Wednesday night, we learned of a Facebook group my friend, Jean, had put together encouraging others to wear pink in my honor and to offer prayers for a successful surgery/recovery.  I was genuinely touch by this gesture but had no idea of the response and love that would be showered on my family since that initial request.  As I went into surgery on Thursday morning, we saw a few posts but when I was moved into my room late Thursday afternoon, Christopher told me I "blew up" his phone and that I would never believe the volume of people rallying to support us. He showed me picture after picture and read so many comments of encouragement.  I really couldn't believe how many people were there for us.

In one of my previous posts I shared how very LOVED I felt.  That feeling has certainly continued. But now my HEART is also full..full of the kindness and compassion that so many of you poured upon us. We are humbled and most appreciative for each of you taking time to share your love with us.  Thank you!!!

____________________________________________

Now for a quick recap of the past few days.  Surgery/lumpectomy went as expected on Thursday...including a moderate axillary dissection and placement of my port for chemo.  I did spend the night in the hospital but came home on Friday.  I feel pretty good, sore and tired, but overall not that bad.

The challenge has been working on my range of motion and dealing with the 2 JP drains.  It's frustrating when simple things like getting out of bed,  brushing your teeth or reaching for a glass are difficult.  I remind myself things will get easier in time and rely on those around me for help. (Not something I generally like to do.)

We hope to get a final pathology report back from the doctor early next week.  This should tell us if the tumor was removed with clear margins and identify how many of the removed lymph nodes showed signs of cancer.  I will potentially have the drains removed in 2 weeks and then spend a few more weeks recovering before starting chemo.  Promise to keep you updated.  Thanks for checking in!

Surgery Day

Today's Chapter - in which Christina has an Evil Lump and Dr. Dunbar removes it.

Pooh Said:

"Piglet, I have decided something."
"What have you decided, Pooh"
"I have decided to catch a Heffalump.  I shall do it by means of a trap.  And it must be a Cunning Trap, so you will have to help me, Piglet".

Pooh and Piglet decided that the best way to catch a heffalump, was to dig a pit that the heffalump would fall into.  Christina is now in surgery. They are "digging a pit" to catch an Evil Lump.  They are sampling her lymph nodes to determine how many need to be removed, removing her tumor, ensuring "clear margins" to make sure they get it all and inserting a port which will be used in her subsequent treatments for blood and chemotherapy treatments.  We wait now for a bit in the waiting room.  Christina's parents are here as well as my sister Trish.  We wait.  We are a bit in the dark now, but we are not afraid.

Our "Cunning Trap" consists of three parts.  The Sacrament of Anointing which she received on Sunday, your prayers which have been offered up since the earliest days, and the healing ministry of the surgeon and medical professionals.  We have great hope that we will catch that evil lump.  We know that God will work through the surgeon and Christ will be with us to carry us through.

Today also happens to be the birthday of Christopher Robin Milne, A.A. Milne's son about and for whom the Pooh stories were written.  We did not choose this date for surgery, it is just God's way of saying "I am here, and I have been listening to you." Apparently, He has been reading the blog as well.

When they thought they had caught a Heffalump in the trap, Piglet was scared and found Christopher Robin. Christopher means "Christ Bearer", and we too are without fear when we find Christ in times of trouble.

"Piglet wasn't afraid if he had Christopher Robin with him, so off they went...  'I can hear it can't you?' said Piglet anxiously.  'I can hear something.' said Christopher Robin."

I can hear something too.  It is that soft still voice of God saying, "Do not be afraid.  I am here".

You feel it

What an amazing day yesterday was!  After mass, Christopher arranged for me to receive the Anointing of the Sick.  So many special people in our lives were there to pray with us, actually pray for me.  Everywhere I looked, there were people specifically there for me.  It was hard to take it all in.  As we stood at the alter and prayed the Our Father, I could barely say the words aloud myself.  I was overwhelmed by the sound of voices coming from behind me.  This is confirmation of God's very constant message in my life, DO NOT BE AFRAID, and a reminder that I really am not in this alone.

Following mass, we attended a family brunch hosted by my brother-in-law, Jay, sister-in law, Kim, and their oldest daughter, Kristi.  Family from out of state joined us, Hannah came home from college (Thanks, Erin!) and Amanda and Theo even joined us on skype.  It was a fantastic afternoon...full of laughter, good stories and delicious food.

Many times throughout yesterday, I found myself just looking around and taking it all in; still contemplating why it is that I have cancer but at the same time being grateful for so many.  Each hug that I gave in appreciation came back to me tenfold with a hug of unconditional support or words of affirmation.  The energy each one of these special people brought yesterday is exactly what I need to continue this fight.  It's uplifting and no words can begin to describe it.

Piglet once asked Pooh, 

"How do you spell love?"

Pooh replied, 

"You don't spell it. You feel it."

No spelling needed for me either...I truly feel LOVED.

Thanks to everyone who made yesterday so special, even those who couldn't be there in person.  Your messages of prayer and support meant just as much.

Like a river

Rivers know this:  There is no hurry. We shall get there someday.  

We have spent the last 6 weeks fighting the current of this river called cancer...feeling like we were paddling upstream most of the time as we have tried to accept my diagnosis and work with my medical team to prepare for the treatment needed to restore my health.  It seemed like surgery was so far away.  But towards the end of last week, things started to calm down.  We are now drifting to the date of surgery, tying up loose ends and preparing to take the first steps in becoming "cancer free".

Just to keep you in the loop, here is quick timeline of upcoming events:

• Clinical Trial:  The clinical trial ends on Wednesday, August 20 with a full day of blood draws.  Other than afternoon fatigue, it's been a pretty easy trial. Pills 3 times a day and one doctor visit a week.
• Surgery:  The surgery is set for Thursday, August 21 at Saint Thomas Midtown (AKA Baptist) at 8:00am which means we arrive at 6:00am.  Our surgeon, Dr. Dunbar, believes the tumor can be removed with a lumpectomy.  However, the biggest question is the needed lymph node dissection.  I do have one node under my arm that has tested positive for "disease".  However, Dr. Dunbar will not be able to determine the full extent of that until surgery.  So, I have to turn my faith over to her.  I feel totally confident in Dr. Dunbar and know she will make decisions that are in my best interest and remove as few nodes as possible.  I could go home the day of the surgery or might have to stay overnight.  I will plan to stay overnight and will be pleasantly surprised when they let me go home on Thursday!  I will have Christopher post an update after my surgery.
• Chemotherapy:  I do not have an exact date for the start of chemo.  It should be 4-6 weeks after surgery which would put us at October.  This is the phase I dread. However, I will be receiving my port during my surgery on Thursday.  This will make things easier when it is time to actually start treatment.  

Many of you are asking what we need and honestly, right now what we need most are your prayers.  I know there will be a time when more help is needed...probably in the fall when treatment starts, but for now we really are good.   

Thanks for checking in on me and being part of my journey.  I appreciate the comments you have posted or emailed me and find comfort in knowing I am surrounded by so many special people. 

It isn't really good-bye

Change is part of life...just like growing up.

So much has happened since my last post.  Plenty more doctor visits and on Tuesday the start of my medical leave from work.  The transition from work was more difficult than I expected.  I thought I would just put everything on hold, pack up and walk away.  That was not the case.  The work itself was easy to leave behind but not the routine, the people and the relationships that I have established over the last 10 years.  It's been quite humbling to hear the impact the you have made on others.  Leaving my position I carry the new marketing mission of my client, Saint Thomas Health Services, and honestly believe these words...

For with God, nothing shall be impossible.

And as if the transition from work wasn't enough, today I also prepare to send Hannah off to college.  I am so happy to watch her start this new adventure but selfishly am so sad.  Hannah is always there to quietly offer support and brings us all so much laughter.  It will be so different without her at home and I can't imagine how difficult the drop off will be tomorrow.  This is a good-bye I am dreading...

But, of course, it isn't really Good-Bye, because the Forest will always be there...and anybody who is friendly with bears can find it.  --A.A. Milne

I know she will always return to the forest she calls home but tonight I will cherish seeing her go about her normal activities and hearing her voice.  I really am going to miss that girl!

Oh D...D...D...Dear

To be totally honest I am a lot like Piglet...I worry and get anxious, especially when facing unfamiliar situations.  But somehow I manage to not let that totally consume me and take over all of my thoughts.  I have learned how to push through to the other side.  It's a process that takes awhile with quite a few tears but I still manage to overcome my "humanness" as my former pastor, Father Steve Wolf used to say.

I am positive everyone has moments of uncertainty like these in their life where they are searching for answers.  I know that God has a plan for me but in times of crisis I tend to forget or ignore that. I can't help but feel as if He has forgotten me.  I feel alone and scared.   Those are the times when God has spoken the loudest to me.  Clearly telling me DO NOT BE AFRAID.  Four simple yet powerful words that are hard to ignore.

These past weeks, I have managed to look beyond the fear and found comfort in many ways.

Hearing my husband promise to take care of me 
Holding the hands of my children
Hearing my parents tell me they love me
Surprise cards of support in the mail
Unexpected visits from dear friends
Roses blooming in my garden
Hugs

It really is my faith and the prayer of many that will guide me on my journey to healing. I hope you can each help me remember that.  When I am facing uncertainty, doubting the road ahead and feeling overwhelmed, I must remember what Christopher Robin once told Pooh and his friends after embarking on a long journey to find him,

 

"You're braver than you believe and stronger than you seem and smarter than you think."

Cancer is now part of my story and I realize it will change me physically and spiritually.  The homily at church last Sunday said we should pray for the grace to hear God's will and the courage to live it.  It's simpler than it seems but like Piglet, I must push through, be brave and find unique solutions to the situation I am dealing with.

Time to bounce!!

I had a CT scan today to determine if cancer was visible in other organs such as the liver.  This test had me on pins and needles...the results had the potential to be a real game changer.  Immediately after the scan I connected with the oncologist's office and asked him to keep an eye out for the results.  I rally didn't want to go through the weekend waiting to hear the findings.

The call I was waiting for came in just after 3:00 when Dr. Hemphill shared that the CT looked good, with only a few cysts but no additional tumors.  I could hardly believe my ears.  Both he and radiologist did not currently see the need for a PET scan to further investigate their findings.  I was speechless and beyond ecstatic.  

This was the best possible news.  I was so happy I had to bounce!   

TTFN..Ta Ta for Now

           

What day is it?

What day is it?

'It's today,' squeaked Piglet

'It's my favorite day', said Pooh.

My favorite day in a long time is TODAY, too. Since most of the news I have received from doctors have delivered less than favorable news, I was happy today when I learned that the results of my genetic testing were back and they were negative for the BRCA gene.

This is also good news for my daughters!

Today really is my favorite day!!!! I hope you will join me in celebrating.