Too far from where you are

After taking a day to let the news of my cancer diagnosis settle, it was time to share the news with my children.  Boy oh boy...that was not easy.  Over the next few posts I will share some information about the role each of my children have played in my health and healing.  Today I start with Amanda.

For those of you who may not know, Amanda and her husband, Theodore, relocated to Italy in May of 2014 and in July of 2014 were preparing for an amazing adventure to Paris.  Coordinating face to face Skype calls can be difficult since they are 7 hours ahead of us.  But this was a call we needed to happen, regardless of the time so Christopher contacted Theodore and let him know we needed to Skype with them both and they waited for our call into the early hours of the morning. 

Amanda assumed we were calling to wish them well on their upcoming trip and even thought we might be telling them we were having a baby (I will pause here for laughter).  Needless to say, that was not the case.  Instead I had to put on a brave face and tell my beautiful daughter that I had breast cancer.  Hard?  ABSOLUTELY!  It tore me up.  All I wanted in that moment was to hug her and let her know it was going to be ok...even though I did not know what the future held.  A couple days after telling Amanda, I heard the some "I Wanna Go Home" by Micheal Buble and the lyrics couldn't have been more appropriate.  Phrases like.."I miss you.  I want to go home. I'm just too far from where you are." ...brought me to tears. 

Over the next few months my relationship with Amanda grew to new levels.  As she and Theo traveled, they would stop at churches, light candles and pray for me.  She would send me pictures of these locations and would even stop at shrines as she randomly stumbled across to pray some more.  I felt this amazing spiritual connection...she, like Christopher, was helping to keep my eyes focused on God.  I always drew strength from these experiences. 

Above that, Amanda was my cheerleader or more like my virtual supporter!  She surrounded me with love and encouragement and made sure I knew I was not alone.  She created my team, Evil Lumps and Woozles, for the Susan G Komen Race for the Cure and rocked her pink tutu in Italy on race day.  She left me "Pep for Your Step" video messages on You Tube prior to chemo and would text me or Skype me regularly.  She kept me connected to all the support I was receiving on facebook by sending me screenshots of the pictures and messages on our site.  Even though she was so terribly far away, she made sure I always felt her presence. 

In Amanda's "Pep for Your Step" messages she always closed by telling me she admired the manner in which I carried myself through all of this.  In her messages, she usually shared a scripture, prayer and then gave a word that described me.  Amanda used words like:  BRAVE, BEAUTIFUL, and SELFLESS.  It was humbling to hear her use such powerful words to describe me.  Funny because I didn't feel like I was doing anything special.  All I know is that during my illness,  I never wanted my children to worry about me, but I did want to show them to deal with adversity.  And most importantly, I wanted them to know how much they were loved.  I wanted my legacy to live in them.

Amanda, you have been a blessing to me and humbled me with your adoration and support.  Thank you for sharing your faithfulness and for your dedication to keeping my spirits high.   I love you.

Our virtual Christmas