Think. Think. Think.

Like Pooh I have been sitting and thinking quite a bit since my diagnosis.

Thinking about what all this means.
Thinking how this impacts everyone around me.
Thinking about my own life.
Thinking about the future.
Thinking about the people I love the most.

Receiving a cancer diagnosis is the ultimate paradigm shift.  Suddenly you see things differently.  As I shared in my initial entry, I plan to use this blog to share my journey but before we get started I thought it best to give you a recap of the facts I have to this point.  So for bears of very little brain, medically speaking, I will simplify this and bring you up to speed.

First let's focus on the cancer itself:  While I am young (I like when my doctor's call me young), I do not appear to have an aggressive cancer.  In fact the oncologist told me I have the slow growing cancer of a 70 year old.  My cancer is strongly ER and PR positive and is HER2 negative.  It is moderately invasive as cancer cells have been identified in a lymph node biopsied under my arm.  It is tentatively graded as 2B.

Now for a VERY simple explanation...the ER/PR positive indicate that the hormones, estrogen and progesterone in my body feed my cancer.  To suppress this fueling of future cancer, I will take tamoxifen for the next 5 years.  The HER2 status basically relates to the slow growing status of the cancer.  I am told I have the "good cancer"! Based on the situation, I will take that.

The grading of the cancer cannot be finalized until surgery but for now it appears to be 2B.  Which was based on 2 factors:  The size of the tumor in my breast being around 2.5 cm and at least one enlarged lymph node having cancer cells present.  The current plan is to have a lumpectomy to remove the tumor and then further investigate the lymph nodes, removing only what is necessary.  My surgery is scheduled for August 21.  (No time has been set yet.)

Surgery is pending one final test. We are awaiting results of the BCRA genetic testing which was conducted due to my young age.  If I test positive,  there is a mutation in the BCRA gene which indicates that I am at a significantly higher risk for breast cancer and ovarian cancer and its  reoccurrence.  Therefore, instead of lumpectomy, a double mastectomy would be needed.  And I won't go into more detail than that...I believe these results will be negative but will share more once they come in if they are not.

Now to the treatment:  Roughly six weeks after my surgery I will start 4 months of chemo which I hear is going to be pretty tough.    The chemo regimen will consist of 2 months of Adriamycin, aka the "Red Devil", along with Cytoxin, followed by 2 months of Taxol. Chemo will be followed by 6 weeks of radiation.

I know treatment is part of the process but it leaves me thinking again.

Thinking what I will look like without hair
Thinking how my hair will look when it grows back
Thinking that my husband is about to have more hair than me and that is not fair
Thinking about all the help I will need
Thinking that I am scared
Thinking of the large celebration I plan to have when I am cancer free!

So, that's where we are.  Facing the reality and appreciating those by my side.