It's been a blustery few days

What a blustery few days it has been.  For Pooh, blustery days brought about lots of change in the Hundred Acre Wood...there was rain, the need to rescue a good buddy, blown down houses, and being introduced to those pesky Huffalumps and Woozles.

The blustery days here in Nashville have been just as exciting.  However, the sermon at church yesterday seemed to really put things into perspective...this chill and new weather pattern is a preparing us for a new season; a season of dying leading us to the new life of spring.  For months I have been saying, "Bring on Spring!"  The phrase for me just meant that chemo would be over but it now has more meaning. These blustery days of change are a time for the dying of my cancer leading to a spring of renewed health and healing.  I don't like the cooler weather but appreciate that it is all part of the cycle of life and more than ever I look forward to Spring and being cancer free!

I will also share a couple updates from the last few days.  I had my second chemo treatment on Thursday.  I handled it pretty well with fatigue remaining the major side effect.  However, this treatment also brought the inevitable hair loss.  My hair started coming out sparingly on Wednesday but by Sunday I decided it was time for it to go. I was losing clumps of hair so I went and got a short buzz cut.  Just another sign of change...it was an emotional decision but one I felt so strongly about it. Cancer was taking my hair but I made the decision on how it went out and felt confident when it was cut.  What do you think?

Before...look closely and you can see my receding hairline

After

This remaining stubble will fall out gradually over the next few days but it's all good because it's still leading to the new life.  Bring on SPRING!!

Plenty of honey in my pot!

Pooh and his friends in the Hundred Acre Wood have had many adventures. Adventures where there always seems to be a problem to solve.

For example, when Pooh needed honey, he disguised himself as a Little Black Rain Cloud with the help of Christopher Robin to reach the bee hive high in the tree.  Then there was the time Pooh thought Christopher Robin was captured by a Backson.  His buddy Rabbit decided they should try to trap the Backson, so everyone worked together to set the trap, but when Pooh and his friends fell into the trap they had set,  Piglet, in his own special way, found a way to get they out.

While these are only two examples, there is a common theme throughout all of Pooh's adventures...friends are always there to help you solve your problems and celebrate with you when the answers are found.

As I have said before, I can really relate to Pooh.  Obviously, having cancer is my current dilemma but it's my friends and family who make getting through it manageable.  This weekend, I had the honor of gathering with many of these special people at the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure in Nashville.  What an amazing day, all made possible by a team my daughter, Amanda, and family friend, Lisa. started a couple months ago.  When the first email went out, I never imagined the response we would have.  There were 46 registered warriors for Team Evil Lumps and Woozles with just over $1500 raised in donations. That to me is unbelievable!

On Saturday, we gathered at the event to celebrate.  I was overwhelmed by the kindness displayed to me.  I saw friends new and old from every aspect of my life.  It was an amazing blend of support that made me feel so special and loved, offering much encouragement for the journey still ahead.

I am not sure I can ever say thank you enough.  But what I can share is how much the support and participation in this event meant.  I looked forward to this day for so long and now hold onto the memories made.  I hope we can make this a yearly tradition while the search for a cure for breast cancer continues.

Pooh once said, 

"A day without a friend is like a pot without a single drop of honey."  

I think you can tell by this picture...there is plenty of honey in my pot! Thanks for being part of Team Evil Lumps and Woozles!

Tiggers probably don't like chemo

Tiggers like everything except honey, haycorns, and thistles.  (And I bet Tiggers don't like chemo either!)  

Well, 10 days post treatment I can look back and say that chemo is no joke.  I mean I did pretty well but chemo is some serious stuff.  For those of you new to the process, here's how it works...2 bags of IV meds to help nausea followed by the bags of chemo drugs.  Chemo Drugs so toxic that the nurse wears a special gown and gloves prior to administering and drapes the work space in a cloth in case there are any drops.  What the heck?

Chemo Treatment 1

I did have a rough day Thursday after treatment. I had some nausea, a horrible headache and overall felt very tired. The fatigue continued Friday and Saturday along with some extreme joint pain in my hips. BUT each day has gotten better.

I am scheduled for treatment #2 on Thursday, October 30 and hope I can continue to effectively manage all the possible side effects.  Only time will tell!

Time to Blast It!

"Good idea! We'll dynamite it.  Save time!" said Gopher
"What's the charge?" asked Owl
"The charge? Oh, about 7 sticks of dynamite."


While this was Gopher's suggestion to get Pooh dislodged from Rabbit's door, it seems to also apply to chemotherapy.  However, my cancer will be blasted with 8 treatments instead of 7 sticks.  The first starts on this Thursday, October 15.


As I shared earlier, my chemo regimen will consist of 4 cycles of Adriamycin, aka the "Red Devil", along with Cytoxin, given every 2 weeks followed by another 4 cycles of Taxol, also given every two weeks.  Numerous side effects are possible...fatigue, nausea, and hair loss to name a few.  While I can't control any of these, I am learning all that I can to help manage them. I have talked with a nutritionist and gotten some good insight and also decided to go ahead and get a pre-treatment haircut.   Here are the before and after pictures.  What do you think?

My stylist, Heather, at the Pearl Salon in Madison did an amazing job and I am so appreciative of the time she took making sure I really wanted my hair this short. 


This is a  big week, I ask that you please continue to pray for me and my family.  AND, know that I look forward to seeing you at the Race for the Cure on Saturday, October 25 supporting Team Evil Lumps and Woozles!

It's October...smell the flowers

It's hard to believe that it's been 2 1/2 months since being diagnosed with cancer.  And while there is still so much that lays ahead, I have to look back and celebrate where we are today, particularly a lumpectomy site free from visible cancer.  Already in the books, a clinical trial, 2 surgeries, many consultations and lots of tests.  There has been quite a bit to think about, too.  Cancer is an emotional journey.  I cry. I laugh, I cry some more,  But through it all, I am reminded that it's OK and it will continue to be OK.

"Weeds are flowers too once you get to know them."  --Eeyore

While I may never get used to or like saying I HAVE CANCER, I have begun to appreciate the fact that it can change you in positive ways.  For me, the immediate change is just slowing down or smelling the flowers and enjoying the simple things I wrote about previously.  It's also been an opportunity to appreciate those around me on a much deeper level.

Today we enter October, Breast Cancer Awareness Month, and I anticipate the new challenges ahead...the start of chemo being the biggest.  Recently, the anxiety of starting treatment is what I am having trouble dealing with because I have no idea what to expect. While I am starting to view cancer as a small flower, chemo is still a big ugly weed in my mind!  I currently feel really good physically and simply struggle with the thought of making myself sick (potentially really sick) just to get healthy.  Maybe when we ring in 2015, I will begin to appreciate chemo. (Sounds like I just made a New Year's Resolution!)

Now for one more update..."Team Evil Lumps and Woozles" is gearing up for the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure on October 25.  We had an amazing response for tshirt orders and have seen several donations made to our team page.  My family and I are grateful for your support, especially as I am prepare to start treatment. We hope to see many of you on Race Day...as we celebrate together and raise Breast Cancer Awareness.

Until then, I challenge you to slow down long enough to see the flowers blooming around you!

Check it out...The Team Evil Lumps and Woozles Tshirt

As promised, I am pleased to share our Team Evil Lumps and Woozles TShirt design for the Susan G Komen Race for the Cure on October 25, 2014. What do you think?

We are needing to place an order early next week and would like to get a count of who would like to order a shirt.  As of now, we are expecting the cost to be between $11-$15 for sizes S-XL and slightly higher for plus sizes.  Basically, the more shirts we order, the cheaper the cost.  The shirts are available in youth, women and men sizes.  If you are interested in ordering and have not already let Amanda know via facebook, please leave a comment here with your size needed.  Even if you are unable to walk with us, you can still order.  After we get a final count of shirts, we will let you know the cost.

A big thank you to Lauren Rosenbaum, Lisa Turney Strawn, and Christopher Hoover for designing these awesome shirts.  They did an amazing job!

I appreciate your continued love and support.  Let me know if you have any questions!

Team Evil Lumps and Woozles: Will you join us?

Earlier this month, my oldest daughter, Amanda, took the initiative to create a team for the upcoming Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure in Nashville on October 25.  In case you missed it, here was her original message:

​Hello Family and Friends, 

First of all, as I was adding people to this email list, I was overcome with how much I miss each one of you.  Living in Italy has been one of the best experiences of my life thus far, but wow, I sure do miss you all!​

Now, down to what's really important! As you all know, my mom has started her journey to beat cancer.  And she is ROCKING it so far. :) Her positive attitude amazes me, but even more listening to her continue to give glory to God in this difficult time inspires me.  She is truly a beautiful woman, as you all know! 

This October is the annual Susan G. Komen Greater Nashville Race for the Cure which I hope you will all join our team, Evil Lumps and Woozles, and walk to continue to support our Wonder Woman! I can tell you there may just be some awesome "Team Christina" swag for those of you that walk...

Please check out the link and join our team!! If you are unable to walk (like me :((( ) you can still help us reach our fundraising goal by donating! 

http://nashville.info-komen.org/goto/evillumpsandwoozles

And please, every time you see my mom, hug her from me. :)

Thank you all very much! Sending all my love! 

God Bless, 

Amanda Spanoudis

More information about ordering team shirts will be coming soon both here and on facebook!  I hope you will be able to walk with us.  

A Nothing Sort of Thing

I feel like there is so much I want to share.  First, let's start with the big news...the DRAIN.  Much to my surprise, Dr. Dunbar removed my drain last Thursday.  I couldn't believe it!  I wanted to jump off the exam table and hug her when she said we could take it out.  Let me tell you, having the drain gone is wonderful.  I actually feel somewhat normal...I can wear shirts without buttons, drive a car and simply move more freely.  It's been totally amazing.

During this visit Dr. Dunbar, she also gave us some initial information on the staging and marking of my cancer.  She said that while this is not her area of expertise, she believes the stage to be IIIa with the markings of T2 N2.  It was frightening to hear stage 3.  However, believe it or not this is still early stage breast cancer...the last phase of early stage breast cancer but nevertheless still viewed as curable.

People keep asking me what I do being home all day.   I have to say NOTHING.  Christopher Robin once explained doing nothing to Pooh in this manner:

"This is a nothing sort of thing that we're doing right now.  It means just going along, listening to all the things you can't hear and not bothering." "Oh!" said Pooh.   

While NOTHING has served me well throughout my recovery to this point, I have been eager to return enjoy some simple things happening in the lives of my children.

My mom and I kicked things off with a short road trip this past weekend as we traveled with Angela to Knoxville for her first gymnastics meet of the season.  Her team did an awesome job and I was so proud of Angela.  She had a great meet competing her new routines for the first time.  I was so glad I was able to be there, knowing there will be meets this season I will have to miss.    But one of the best parts was seeing her team unveil their symbols of support for me and our family.  The girls sported pink wrist bands during their bar routines and breast cancer awareness hair bows. They plan to wear them throughout the entire season.  Can't begin to tell you how much that means.

Last night we attended Joshua's induction into the Junior BETA Club.  Joshua was selected by his teachers to be part of this club based on fulfilling the mission of BETA which is to promote the ideals of academic achievement, character, service and leadership. It's an amazing honor and I couldn't be prouder of him!

So for the next few weeks I plan to continue doing the routine NOTHING of my life and enjoying every moment of it!








 

Happy Winds-day

In Winnie the Pooh and the Blustery Day, Pooh awoke from dreaming about Heffalumps and Woozles to find that is was raining all over the Hundred Acre Wood.  Raining so much that the water rose out of the river bed and flooded his house and Piglet's.  Like most of the Disney versions of the Winnie the Pooh story, a catchy little song was involved.  It went like this:

"The rain, rain, rain
Came down, down, down
In rushing, rising riv'lets
'Til the river crept out of its bed
And crept right into piglet's

Poor piglet, he was frightened
With quite a rightful fright
And so in desperation, a message he did write
He placed it in a bottle and it floated out of sight."

This tune has now become my theme song or anthem.  Except there is no rain involved, only one lone DRAIN...a drain that will not stop rising.  The plan was to have the drain removed tomorrow during my post op appointment but as of right now that looks like a long shot. The goal is to collect 20cc or less of fluid daily for three consecutive days before it is removed.  Not only am I not at 20cc, my numbers have not been below 20 since before the second surgery and have climbed into the 30s on some days. 

Honestly there is no medical concern about the amount of fluid being released into the drain, it varies from person to person.  It's also not uncommon to have the drains for as long as I have or longer.  I am just personally ready to have this last drain removed so I can start being "normal" again. 

Am I frustrated?  Of course I am!  But in his typical fashion, my husband came to the rescue bringing humor into the situation and making me smile when I just wanted to cry. While changing my bandages he kindly told me that the drain probably wasn't going to be removed and started singing, "And the drain, drain, drain came down down down".   We both couldn't help but laugh!

Today, like Piglet, I will send out a message in desperation when he found himself in rising waters...a message that will hopefully allow the drain be removed: 

          HELP!

      C-C-C-hristina                   (ME)

So there you have it!  Rehab (AKA, being lazy) continues as I wait for the drain to be removed.  Thankfully I am able to do more and still have my mom here to help.  I am getting more energy and on the bright side  now have a catchy little tune in my head to pass the time..."The Drain Drain Drain came down down down"  

Come on drain numbers...please come down!!! 

  

The initial hunt is over!

As I was preparing to provide an update on yesterday's surgery I received a phone call to share the final pathology results from the procedure.  I am pleased to share the final margins of the lumpectomy are now free of cancer!!!!  Seriously? I just couldn't believe my ears.

I am so grateful for the medical team who has overseen this process thus far.  My surgeon, Dr. Laura Dunbar, is amazing.  I couldn't have picked a better doctor.  It's funny because you deal initially with your diagnosis by selecting doctors, doctors that you really don't know anything about.  Then you meet with them and decide if they are right for you.

Pooh once said, "Before beginning a hunt, it is wise to ask someone what you are looking for before you begin looking for it."

After our first meeting with Dr. Dunbar, Christopher and I knew immediately that she was right for us...she was very wise, knew exactly what she was dealing with and the best way to go about removing it.  We know without a shadow of a doubt that she has had my best interest all along and we placed our trust in her. Today we celebrate this decision.

Now for that update I was planning to give.  Yesterday's outpatient procedure went well and was so much easier than the first.   Dr. Dunbar did a re-excision of the original lumpectomy site to remove some additional tissue and also removed one of my drains.  I had a short recovery in the hospital and was home by late afternoon.  The site is slightly tender but overall not  too bad.  I am continuing to rest and  take it easy and am hopeful to have the second drain removed next week.

Surgery was the fist part of becoming cancer free and today we can happily say that with clean pathology results, the initial hunt is over. Now we get ready for the second phase, chemotherapy, and place our trust in a new medical team of oncologists.

Eventually

Not much has happened since my last post other than rest and recovery.  I am blessed to have my mom, husband, as well as Joshua and Angela continuously by side to help with whatever I need.  They have been awesome and I couldn't do this without them.

For the most part, there isn't much pain.  I am just really sore (especially the area under my arm) and continue working on improving my range of motion.  To be honest, the worst part thus far is that I had an allergic reaction to the tegaderm adhesive securing my drainage tubes.  The adhesive was causing severe irritation and some minor burns to my skin.  It felt fantastic when the nurse removed this large patch of adhesive yesterday!

The drains themselves are inconvenient but are part of the process.  Oh how wonderful it will be when they can be removed.  It doesn't sound like they would both come out next week at surgery but maybe at least one will.  I can honestly say I will not miss them when they are gone!  (FYI...the surgery is scheduled for Wednesday, September 3 at 8:30, again at Saint Thomas Midtown.)

I really was down the other day when I learned there would be another surgery.  Thankfully there was so much support from many of you via text, on this blog or on facebook.  These messages offered needed encouragement so there there wasn't much time or reason to be gloomy.  As Eeyore said,

"The nicest thing about the rain is that it always stops.  EVENTUALLY."  

Thanks for reminding me that the sun would be out again soon!

Tut, Tut, looks like RAIN

TUT, TUT, LOOKS LIKE RAIN!  

Earlier today we received the final pathology results from my surgeon, Dr. Dunbar.  She informed me that 5 of nodes removed from under my right arm had signs of cancer and that the tumor removed was 2.5 cm, not 4 cm as they originally thought which was good news.  However, there was some unfortunate news as well...all of the margins around the removed tumor were not free from cancer.  Therefore, I will need to have another surgery next week to remove some additional tissue.  This outpatient surgery will not be as involved as the first and should only slightly delay the beginning of my treatment.  I might even be able to have the existing drains removed at the time of this surgery.  Fingers crossed for that!

This was by no means the news I wanted to hear, but I was totally aware it was a possibility.  Today in my Hundred Acre Wood it does look and feel like rain, so I have grabbed my umbrella to take shelter and regroup for just a short time.  However, I know that tomorrow is a new day and another opportunity for me to accept my illness and all it brings.  I plan to be ready for the challenge!

I hope each of you will rally around us once again as we prepare for this additional surgery as it's another important step to ensure I will ultimately be cancer free.  More details will follow once available.

My Heart is Full

"Sometimes the smallest things take up the most room in the heart."   --Winnie the Pooh

As Christopher and I went to bed on Wednesday night, we learned of a Facebook group my friend, Jean, had put together encouraging others to wear pink in my honor and to offer prayers for a successful surgery/recovery.  I was genuinely touch by this gesture but had no idea of the response and love that would be showered on my family since that initial request.  As I went into surgery on Thursday morning, we saw a few posts but when I was moved into my room late Thursday afternoon, Christopher told me I "blew up" his phone and that I would never believe the volume of people rallying to support us. He showed me picture after picture and read so many comments of encouragement.  I really couldn't believe how many people were there for us.

In one of my previous posts I shared how very LOVED I felt.  That feeling has certainly continued. But now my HEART is also full..full of the kindness and compassion that so many of you poured upon us. We are humbled and most appreciative for each of you taking time to share your love with us.  Thank you!!!

____________________________________________

Now for a quick recap of the past few days.  Surgery/lumpectomy went as expected on Thursday...including a moderate axillary dissection and placement of my port for chemo.  I did spend the night in the hospital but came home on Friday.  I feel pretty good, sore and tired, but overall not that bad.

The challenge has been working on my range of motion and dealing with the 2 JP drains.  It's frustrating when simple things like getting out of bed,  brushing your teeth or reaching for a glass are difficult.  I remind myself things will get easier in time and rely on those around me for help. (Not something I generally like to do.)

We hope to get a final pathology report back from the doctor early next week.  This should tell us if the tumor was removed with clear margins and identify how many of the removed lymph nodes showed signs of cancer.  I will potentially have the drains removed in 2 weeks and then spend a few more weeks recovering before starting chemo.  Promise to keep you updated.  Thanks for checking in!

Surgery Day

Today's Chapter - in which Christina has an Evil Lump and Dr. Dunbar removes it.

Pooh Said:

"Piglet, I have decided something."
"What have you decided, Pooh"
"I have decided to catch a Heffalump.  I shall do it by means of a trap.  And it must be a Cunning Trap, so you will have to help me, Piglet".

Pooh and Piglet decided that the best way to catch a heffalump, was to dig a pit that the heffalump would fall into.  Christina is now in surgery. They are "digging a pit" to catch an Evil Lump.  They are sampling her lymph nodes to determine how many need to be removed, removing her tumor, ensuring "clear margins" to make sure they get it all and inserting a port which will be used in her subsequent treatments for blood and chemotherapy treatments.  We wait now for a bit in the waiting room.  Christina's parents are here as well as my sister Trish.  We wait.  We are a bit in the dark now, but we are not afraid.

Our "Cunning Trap" consists of three parts.  The Sacrament of Anointing which she received on Sunday, your prayers which have been offered up since the earliest days, and the healing ministry of the surgeon and medical professionals.  We have great hope that we will catch that evil lump.  We know that God will work through the surgeon and Christ will be with us to carry us through.

Today also happens to be the birthday of Christopher Robin Milne, A.A. Milne's son about and for whom the Pooh stories were written.  We did not choose this date for surgery, it is just God's way of saying "I am here, and I have been listening to you." Apparently, He has been reading the blog as well.

When they thought they had caught a Heffalump in the trap, Piglet was scared and found Christopher Robin. Christopher means "Christ Bearer", and we too are without fear when we find Christ in times of trouble.

"Piglet wasn't afraid if he had Christopher Robin with him, so off they went...  'I can hear it can't you?' said Piglet anxiously.  'I can hear something.' said Christopher Robin."

I can hear something too.  It is that soft still voice of God saying, "Do not be afraid.  I am here".

You feel it

What an amazing day yesterday was!  After mass, Christopher arranged for me to receive the Anointing of the Sick.  So many special people in our lives were there to pray with us, actually pray for me.  Everywhere I looked, there were people specifically there for me.  It was hard to take it all in.  As we stood at the alter and prayed the Our Father, I could barely say the words aloud myself.  I was overwhelmed by the sound of voices coming from behind me.  This is confirmation of God's very constant message in my life, DO NOT BE AFRAID, and a reminder that I really am not in this alone.

Following mass, we attended a family brunch hosted by my brother-in-law, Jay, sister-in law, Kim, and their oldest daughter, Kristi.  Family from out of state joined us, Hannah came home from college (Thanks, Erin!) and Amanda and Theo even joined us on skype.  It was a fantastic afternoon...full of laughter, good stories and delicious food.

Many times throughout yesterday, I found myself just looking around and taking it all in; still contemplating why it is that I have cancer but at the same time being grateful for so many.  Each hug that I gave in appreciation came back to me tenfold with a hug of unconditional support or words of affirmation.  The energy each one of these special people brought yesterday is exactly what I need to continue this fight.  It's uplifting and no words can begin to describe it.

Piglet once asked Pooh, 

"How do you spell love?"

Pooh replied, 

"You don't spell it. You feel it."

No spelling needed for me either...I truly feel LOVED.

Thanks to everyone who made yesterday so special, even those who couldn't be there in person.  Your messages of prayer and support meant just as much.

Like a river

Rivers know this:  There is no hurry. We shall get there someday.  

We have spent the last 6 weeks fighting the current of this river called cancer...feeling like we were paddling upstream most of the time as we have tried to accept my diagnosis and work with my medical team to prepare for the treatment needed to restore my health.  It seemed like surgery was so far away.  But towards the end of last week, things started to calm down.  We are now drifting to the date of surgery, tying up loose ends and preparing to take the first steps in becoming "cancer free".

Just to keep you in the loop, here is quick timeline of upcoming events:

• Clinical Trial:  The clinical trial ends on Wednesday, August 20 with a full day of blood draws.  Other than afternoon fatigue, it's been a pretty easy trial. Pills 3 times a day and one doctor visit a week.
• Surgery:  The surgery is set for Thursday, August 21 at Saint Thomas Midtown (AKA Baptist) at 8:00am which means we arrive at 6:00am.  Our surgeon, Dr. Dunbar, believes the tumor can be removed with a lumpectomy.  However, the biggest question is the needed lymph node dissection.  I do have one node under my arm that has tested positive for "disease".  However, Dr. Dunbar will not be able to determine the full extent of that until surgery.  So, I have to turn my faith over to her.  I feel totally confident in Dr. Dunbar and know she will make decisions that are in my best interest and remove as few nodes as possible.  I could go home the day of the surgery or might have to stay overnight.  I will plan to stay overnight and will be pleasantly surprised when they let me go home on Thursday!  I will have Christopher post an update after my surgery.
• Chemotherapy:  I do not have an exact date for the start of chemo.  It should be 4-6 weeks after surgery which would put us at October.  This is the phase I dread. However, I will be receiving my port during my surgery on Thursday.  This will make things easier when it is time to actually start treatment.  

Many of you are asking what we need and honestly, right now what we need most are your prayers.  I know there will be a time when more help is needed...probably in the fall when treatment starts, but for now we really are good.   

Thanks for checking in on me and being part of my journey.  I appreciate the comments you have posted or emailed me and find comfort in knowing I am surrounded by so many special people. 

It isn't really good-bye

Change is part of life...just like growing up.

So much has happened since my last post.  Plenty more doctor visits and on Tuesday the start of my medical leave from work.  The transition from work was more difficult than I expected.  I thought I would just put everything on hold, pack up and walk away.  That was not the case.  The work itself was easy to leave behind but not the routine, the people and the relationships that I have established over the last 10 years.  It's been quite humbling to hear the impact the you have made on others.  Leaving my position I carry the new marketing mission of my client, Saint Thomas Health Services, and honestly believe these words...

For with God, nothing shall be impossible.

And as if the transition from work wasn't enough, today I also prepare to send Hannah off to college.  I am so happy to watch her start this new adventure but selfishly am so sad.  Hannah is always there to quietly offer support and brings us all so much laughter.  It will be so different without her at home and I can't imagine how difficult the drop off will be tomorrow.  This is a good-bye I am dreading...

But, of course, it isn't really Good-Bye, because the Forest will always be there...and anybody who is friendly with bears can find it.  --A.A. Milne

I know she will always return to the forest she calls home but tonight I will cherish seeing her go about her normal activities and hearing her voice.  I really am going to miss that girl!

Oh D...D...D...Dear

To be totally honest I am a lot like Piglet...I worry and get anxious, especially when facing unfamiliar situations.  But somehow I manage to not let that totally consume me and take over all of my thoughts.  I have learned how to push through to the other side.  It's a process that takes awhile with quite a few tears but I still manage to overcome my "humanness" as my former pastor, Father Steve Wolf used to say.

I am positive everyone has moments of uncertainty like these in their life where they are searching for answers.  I know that God has a plan for me but in times of crisis I tend to forget or ignore that. I can't help but feel as if He has forgotten me.  I feel alone and scared.   Those are the times when God has spoken the loudest to me.  Clearly telling me DO NOT BE AFRAID.  Four simple yet powerful words that are hard to ignore.

These past weeks, I have managed to look beyond the fear and found comfort in many ways.

Hearing my husband promise to take care of me 
Holding the hands of my children
Hearing my parents tell me they love me
Surprise cards of support in the mail
Unexpected visits from dear friends
Roses blooming in my garden
Hugs

It really is my faith and the prayer of many that will guide me on my journey to healing. I hope you can each help me remember that.  When I am facing uncertainty, doubting the road ahead and feeling overwhelmed, I must remember what Christopher Robin once told Pooh and his friends after embarking on a long journey to find him,

 

"You're braver than you believe and stronger than you seem and smarter than you think."

Cancer is now part of my story and I realize it will change me physically and spiritually.  The homily at church last Sunday said we should pray for the grace to hear God's will and the courage to live it.  It's simpler than it seems but like Piglet, I must push through, be brave and find unique solutions to the situation I am dealing with.

Time to bounce!!

I had a CT scan today to determine if cancer was visible in other organs such as the liver.  This test had me on pins and needles...the results had the potential to be a real game changer.  Immediately after the scan I connected with the oncologist's office and asked him to keep an eye out for the results.  I rally didn't want to go through the weekend waiting to hear the findings.

The call I was waiting for came in just after 3:00 when Dr. Hemphill shared that the CT looked good, with only a few cysts but no additional tumors.  I could hardly believe my ears.  Both he and radiologist did not currently see the need for a PET scan to further investigate their findings.  I was speechless and beyond ecstatic.  

This was the best possible news.  I was so happy I had to bounce!   

TTFN..Ta Ta for Now

           

What day is it?

What day is it?

'It's today,' squeaked Piglet

'It's my favorite day', said Pooh.

My favorite day in a long time is TODAY, too. Since most of the news I have received from doctors have delivered less than favorable news, I was happy today when I learned that the results of my genetic testing were back and they were negative for the BRCA gene.

This is also good news for my daughters!

Today really is my favorite day!!!! I hope you will join me in celebrating.

A Clinical Trial: It's just something that happened along the way

 

In a matter of a few weeks, I have traveled all over my Hundred Acre Woods.  I started with a specific mission...meet my medical team and identify a plan for treatment.  Pretty simple, right?  Well, during my journey, a detour was suggested, a newly formed clinical trial. 

Christopher and I visited with the oncologist in charge of the trial, Dr. Denise Yardley and gathered some basic facts.  This is a very small trial that has recently started in Tennessee and potentially has minimal side effects.  The research is with a drug Repraxin, particularly looking at its ability to suppress stem cell reproduction and prevent future mastication of breast cancer.  The trial involves taking biopsies at the beginning and end of the trial, frequent blood draws and taking 2 pills 3 times a day for 21 days...all leading up to my surgery.

Honestly there is probably no benefit from this trial for me, at least not immediately.  However, if this drug acts as they expect there could be future benefits related to a reemergence of cancer as well as benefits for other women who journey down this path in the future.  Just call me a medical pioneer!  (I laughed out loud as I typed that...but for the moment it sounds good.)

Rabbit once told Pooh, "I don't see much sense in that."  Pooh agreed, "No there isn't.  It's just something that happened along the way."  I totally get that.  This clinical trial was not part of my plan but for me this unplanned opportunity is about doing something while I wait and more importantly about giving back to the those who researched drugs/treatment options years ago. 

Oh Bother...

A Blog? Really?

I never once thought I would have a blog.  I live a pretty simple life...work full time, care for my family and just do everyday things.  But then out of nowhere something happened that drastically changed all of that. Those simple, everyday things became more meaningful and all of the sudden I had a story to tell (or at least I think I do).

So, here goes...

On July 7, I found a lump in my breast that I knew was not normal.  I saw my PCP on the 9th and the journey I never expected began.  After a series of mammograms, ultrasounds and biopsies, my doctor called me back into his office on July 15, 2014 and told me I had cancer.

What?  Cancer?  I could not believe what I was hearing.  As he spoke to my husband, Christopher, and me,  I didn't comprehend much of what he said.  All I could do was think about my life and why this was so very wrong.  I mean, I am only 42.  I have more living to do.

The days following my diagnosis have been extremely full and busy with seeing numerous doctors and developing a plan for my treatment. This blog will allow me to share my journey with the many people I am blessed to have in my life.

But before I get down to the nitty gritty of my illness, I will start with an explanation on the title of this site, a play on words.  Winnie the Pooh has always been a favorite of mine since I was a child and while cancer is no laughing matter, humor goes a long way when it comes to coping and healing.  So we start with Heffalumps and Woozles, the "bad guys" Pooh envisions stealing his honey.  The accompanying song says they are "very confuzle and sly.  They come in every shape and size" and goes on to caution " be a very wary bear".  Seems to sum up cancer for me.

While this song is taken from the Walt Disney version of Winnie the Pooh, the works of A.A. Milne are full of references that help put life in perspective.  Pooh and his friends in the Hundred Acre Wood use their experiences to teach us many life lessons in a very basic manner.  Now more than ever, I need this simplicity as I seek to find and share the meaning of this unexpected turn in my life.

Welcome to EVIL LUMPS AND WOOZLES!

Meet my Medical Team

There is quite a supporting cast in my Hundred Acre Wood.  And when you get stuck in a tough place, sometimes it takes all of them to pull you through.  A whole team of medical providers will be overseeing my treatment.  For those of you wanting to know exactly who they are, here is the list:

Dr. Michael Mertens (Primary care doctor)

Dr. Laura Dunbar (Surgeon/Breast Specialist):  Saint Thomas Midtown

Dr. Brian Hemphill (Medical Oncologist): Tennessee Oncology at Summitt

Dr. Brad Cohen (Radiation Oncologist):  Summitt

Christopher and I have spent many, many hours at doctor visits over the past two weeks.  Meeting with each of these individuals, asking questions and gathering information.  We feel confident in each of them and believe they will provide me with the best possible medical care.  More about them later.  

Think. Think. Think.

Like Pooh I have been sitting and thinking quite a bit since my diagnosis.

Thinking about what all this means.
Thinking how this impacts everyone around me.
Thinking about my own life.
Thinking about the future.
Thinking about the people I love the most.

Receiving a cancer diagnosis is the ultimate paradigm shift.  Suddenly you see things differently.  As I shared in my initial entry, I plan to use this blog to share my journey but before we get started I thought it best to give you a recap of the facts I have to this point.  So for bears of very little brain, medically speaking, I will simplify this and bring you up to speed.

First let's focus on the cancer itself:  While I am young (I like when my doctor's call me young), I do not appear to have an aggressive cancer.  In fact the oncologist told me I have the slow growing cancer of a 70 year old.  My cancer is strongly ER and PR positive and is HER2 negative.  It is moderately invasive as cancer cells have been identified in a lymph node biopsied under my arm.  It is tentatively graded as 2B.

Now for a VERY simple explanation...the ER/PR positive indicate that the hormones, estrogen and progesterone in my body feed my cancer.  To suppress this fueling of future cancer, I will take tamoxifen for the next 5 years.  The HER2 status basically relates to the slow growing status of the cancer.  I am told I have the "good cancer"! Based on the situation, I will take that.

The grading of the cancer cannot be finalized until surgery but for now it appears to be 2B.  Which was based on 2 factors:  The size of the tumor in my breast being around 2.5 cm and at least one enlarged lymph node having cancer cells present.  The current plan is to have a lumpectomy to remove the tumor and then further investigate the lymph nodes, removing only what is necessary.  My surgery is scheduled for August 21.  (No time has been set yet.)

Surgery is pending one final test. We are awaiting results of the BCRA genetic testing which was conducted due to my young age.  If I test positive,  there is a mutation in the BCRA gene which indicates that I am at a significantly higher risk for breast cancer and ovarian cancer and its  reoccurrence.  Therefore, instead of lumpectomy, a double mastectomy would be needed.  And I won't go into more detail than that...I believe these results will be negative but will share more once they come in if they are not.

Now to the treatment:  Roughly six weeks after my surgery I will start 4 months of chemo which I hear is going to be pretty tough.    The chemo regimen will consist of 2 months of Adriamycin, aka the "Red Devil", along with Cytoxin, followed by 2 months of Taxol. Chemo will be followed by 6 weeks of radiation.

I know treatment is part of the process but it leaves me thinking again.

Thinking what I will look like without hair
Thinking how my hair will look when it grows back
Thinking that my husband is about to have more hair than me and that is not fair
Thinking about all the help I will need
Thinking that I am scared
Thinking of the large celebration I plan to have when I am cancer free!

So, that's where we are.  Facing the reality and appreciating those by my side.